Poker Quotes Funny

 
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Last night I got thrown out of a casino apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table. In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there. I’m going to the casino tonight. I hope I break even. I need the money. I had nothing to. Mar 19, 2014 - The most memorable, inspirational, and flat out funny quotes about the game of Poker. See more ideas about Poker quotes, Poker, Funny quotes.

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  1. “Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.” ~ Steven Wright
  2. “Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.” ~ George Carlin
  3. “The next best thing about gambling and winning is gambling and losing.” ~ Nick “The Greek” Dandalos
  4. “Money isn’t everything unless you’re playing a rebuy tournament.” ~ Unknown
  5. “If there weren’t luck involved, I would win every time.” ~ Phil Hellmuth
  6. “Trust everyone but always cut the cards.” ~ Benny Binion
  7. “If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” ~ Paul Newman
  8. “Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don’t have to do push-ups.” ~ Penn Gillette
  9. “Bad beats will, from time to time, still rob you like a crack addict with an empty pipe.” ~ Rick Dacey
  10. “Going on tilt is not ‘mixing up your play.’” ~ Steve Badger
  11. “Poker is a lot like sex. Everyone thinks they are the best, but most don’t have a clue what they are doing.” ~ Dutch Boyd
  12. “You played that hand like a vegan.” ~ Erick Linderer (to Daniel Negreanu)
  13. “May the flop be with you.” ~ Doyle Brunson
  14. “Poker is 100% skill and 50% luck.” ~ Phil Hellmuth
  15. “It’s not whether you won or lost, but how many bad beat stories you were able to tell.” ~ Grantland Rice
  16. “I never saw a poker player’s money that I did not like.” ~ Oklahoma Johnny Hale
  17. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be good at poker.” ~ Phil Gordon
  18. “They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero.” ~ Max Shapiro
  19. “No river, no fish.” ~ Amarillo Slim
  20. “The beautiful thing about poker is that everybody thinks they can play.” ~ Chris Moneymaker
  21. “The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.” ~ Julius “Big Julie” Weintraub
  22. “I must complain the cards are ill-shuffled till I have a good hand.” ~ Jonathan Swift
  23. “Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.” ~ Unknown
  24. “No-limit holdem: Hours of boredom followed by moments of sheer terror.” ~ Tom McEvoy
  25. “If you play bridge badly, you make your partner suffer, but if you play poker badly you make everybody happy.” ~ Joe Laurie, Jr.
  26. “To be a poker champion you must have a strong bladder.” ~ Jack McClelland
  27. “I don’t play any two suited cards. I play any two non-suited cards. That way I’m drawing at two different flushes.” ~ Amarillo Slim
  28. “Every poker player, like every fisherman, needs to have a story in a box, and most poker stories are completely uninteresting.” ~ Jason Alexander
  29. “Omaha is a game that was invented by a Sadist and is played by Masochists.” ~ Shane Smith
  30. “Poker is generally thought to be America’s second most popular after-dark activity. Sex is good, they say, but poker lasts longer.” ~ Al Alvarez
  31. “Dogs are lousy poker players. When they get a good hand, they wag their tails.” ~ Unknown

Poker Quotes Funny

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